I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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