turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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