with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
