His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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