i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
