i think i have two assholes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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