he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
