I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
