If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
