Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
