Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So squirting runs in the family.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
