I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
