Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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