WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
