pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
