I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
