I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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