hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
