first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
