I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
