I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
