Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
