Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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