To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
