he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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