and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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