remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
