I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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