I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
