The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
