Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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