I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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