Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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