Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
