That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
