Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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