you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
