she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
