She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
