Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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