you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
