I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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