I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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