wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
