well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
