wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
