In the future we'll all be gay
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
