I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
