we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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