Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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