Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
