im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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