1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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