We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
