theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
