If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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