she woke up with a sticky ear
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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