I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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