I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
