someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
