Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
