We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
lets start a swedish sibling band together
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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