This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
