when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
