I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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