I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
