the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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