I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
