I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
