I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
