i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
