i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
