He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
