I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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