The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
