1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
