I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
