suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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